What we must regulate and/or ban.

Posted: July 26, 2012 in Satire

Recent reports indicate that the Aurora shooter most likely started his psychotic break after he failed a difficult oral exam in school.

Other recent reports show that the shooter mailed a journal filled with the details of the shooting he planned on carrying out to his psychiatrist. The journal sat undelivered in the mail room for a week before the shooting.

Clearly the most obvious solution and the best crime prevention measures that we can take are to ban difficult tests and mandate that all mail be delivered in one day or less.

I would also like to see mandatory journal writing implemented nationwide. If everyone could just put their feelings onto paper they would feel much better. It would also create an easy way for the government to monitor your sanity. (Wait a minute….this sounds an awful lot like writing a blog….)

In conjunction with a total ban on anything with a point, sharp edge, or the ability to emit a projectile the ban of any potential stressor should stop all crime. Additional measures to prevent all criminal activity obviously include the ability to receive mail in an expedient fashion.

Expect this genius solution to be proposed by intellectuals such as Chuck Schumer, because he has all of the solutions to all of the worlds problems.

I hope you weren’t seeking something serious or worth while when you found this.


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