The Handbook Of Government Approved Activities

Posted: April 18, 2012 in Big Government, Politics, Satire
Tags: ,


The Government likes to tell us what we can and can’t do. Here is a list of government approved activities.

You may…..

Join the military at age 17 or get drafted at 18*

Just don’t try to smoke a cigarette, drink a beer or gamble before you go to die for your freedoms….

Have Sex*

*just don’t do it anally, or outside of your home, or unless you’re both over 18 (Im not advocating pedophilia with that last statement. Im referring to a situation where a 17 year old boy gets charged with statutory rape for having sex with his 16 year old girlfriend)

Get Married*

*after you fill out these papers, pay this fee, file the proper tax forms, and of course are of the opposite sex.

Eat Food and Drink*

*just not raw milk, raw beer, water from an uninspected well, in some places water from plastic bottles, soda but only after you pay the soda tax, fried chicken as long as it is free of trans fats, etc.

Work on your house*

*after you have obtained a building permit and paid the necessary fee, also throughout the process and after its completion you must pay for inspections. Some work may be required by law to contract a professional, even if you are fully capable. Work includes: installing a hot water tank, any electrical or plumbing repairs, structural changes or repairs, repairs to roofing, painting, pouring concrete, window replacement, etc.)

Grow a lawn*

*lawns are still allowed but care may be restricted in some areas. Watering, fertilizing, and mowing are all subject to oversight. Also, if you have a dog and he wants to poop in your grass, you need to pick it up and dispose of it in the garbage.

Open A Business*

*after you get a Federal EIN, a taxpayer identification number, file articles of incorporation with the state and pay an annual fee, file your EIN with the state, get a state sales tax number, create a state sales tax account. Then you can open up….wait no, now you need your building inspected, your floor plan approved, a city business license issued, in some cases state and/or federal licenses are required (all licenses have fees), property tax will also need to paid, now just hire employees?….nope not yet, each prospective employee will need a background check, drug test, and be reported to the state and the federal government as being your employee. Don’t forget to hire a person to worry about keeping up all of your taxes, licenses, and accounting. So now you’re pretty close to opening your business….assuming you have any time or money left to do so.

Babysit Your Friends Children*

* In some places you will need to first be licensed as a child care professional, also the people you are babysitting for may need to issue you a 1099 at the end of the year for your wages earned.

Have A Group of Friends Over For Game Night*

* In some areas a gathering of a group of people (over 2) inside of your home requires a permit and your “facility” faces inspection by the fire marshall to determine whether it meets the requirements set out for public gatherings locations (This could mean no Sunday Bible Study groups, no childrens sleepovers, no holiday family dinners, and no “game nights” without government approval)

Please add to the conversation in the comment section.

  1. Jeff says:

    I laughed out loud at a couple of these. On the food thing, I’ve always favored a middle-of-the road approach. If raw milk is a health risk, tell me about it. Require those who sell it to tell me about it. But let them sell it. It’s my right to buy it or not to buy it.

    The red tape for starting a business seems long. I’ve never started one, so it’s tough to comment on the headaches. Obviously, some regulation is needed.

    Marriage is a religious ceremony, except for tax purposes, so I understand the regulation in that case. I like the fact that I get certain credits for being married, having kids, etc.

    We need to decide when someone is an adult. If it’s 18, 21, 27, or 85, THAT is when they can take part in adult activities and, for that matter, CHOOSE fight for their country. I don’t believe in the draft.

    I’ll be real honest with you, man. The only reason I’m a Democrat is because of labor issues and because if we’re going to have giant corporations and banks, they have got to be regulated. Other than that, I’m with the civil libertarians on a whole host of stuff. I guess I’m a Jeffocrat.

    • swburke21 says:

      I hope that you laughed out loud because you feel its ludacris that the government is involved in these matters…..and not because you think Im being goofy. I didn’t bother sourcing anything in this post, but everything in here is for real, some form of government in the US has all of the mentioned restrictions.

      I have started a business, it is a huge bitch to do on your own. What I mentioned about starting a business are mostly only the things that government requires of you, which is about 1/2 of what it takes.

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