You’re Talking In A Movie Theatre and I Want To Punch You

Posted: December 2, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

You obviously don’t know who you are, because if you did, you would have shut your mouth already. It cost me $20 damn dollars to get myself and my wife into this crowded locker room smelling, sticky floored fiasco, not to mention the hassle of finding a baby sitter and the overall difficulty of getting away for a night. I did not go through this to hear your commentary on something that cost $50 million dollars to make. I already read reviews and heard friends talk about it, if I want your opinion I will talk to you once the movie is over. I will turn around and say “hello stranger, what did you think of this cinematic wonder?” BUT THE MOVIE ISN’T OVER YET AND YOU’RE TALKING.

“Hey wasn’t that the guy who played the bad guy in Die Hard?” Sure that is the same guy who was in that other movie, he’s a fucking actor IT IS HIS JOB to be in other movies. Thanks for ruining the carefully crafted dialogue with your pathetic attempt at movie trivia. Hey by the way, maybe you could crinkle that candy wrapper for another 25 minutes straight while you chase one M&M around the bottom of the bag. Shake the damn candy out of the bag into your hand! Eat the son of a bitch and quit stuffing your fat fucking face for the next 1-1/2 to 2 hours.

P.S. Thank you for pointing out that the bad guy is dead, he got shot with a missile in the face, he is dead, no announcement needed.

Can you imagine how this moron reads a book? Do they read a sentence, set the book down then proclaim into the air some completely obvious statement to a crowd of unsympathetic strangers?

Recently I was reminded that some theaters even serve meals during the movie. Really, #1 the movie theatre nachos suck ass, why would you think that a steak would be worth the $47 that they will charge for it, #2 am I the only person who looks at watching a movie in a theatre as being a little more fancy than in your living room? #3 there are a few noises more annoying than clinking dishes, chomping mouths, smacking lips, and slurping drinks but when Ive invested a few bucks and a couple hours into a movie there are no worse sounds to hear. Please be courteous, turn off your phone, leave your boston market thanksgiving feast and 7/11 slurpees at home. Take the opportunity to tune out from reality for a couple of hours and enjoy the entertainment, if you cannot follow some basic rules of common courtesy then stay home.

Last but not least, DO NOT KICK MY CHAIR, if you kick my chair I will cut you. If you put your feet near my head, I will bite your toes. If you bump the back of my head with your butt or wiener, I will headbutt you in said butt or wiener. If you step on my toes on your way out of the aisle, I will follow you home and dig up your flower garden. If you can’t go to the bathroom immediately before the movie and make it the next 2 hours without going again, then you need to go write your name on the board and put 2 check marks next to it, because you are a 3rd grader and you deserve indoor recess.


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