Self Cannibalism.

Posted: November 21, 2011 in Dieting and Food
Tags: , ,


Few of you know that I am currently dieting. Yes, like a woman. I am concerned about my health more than my looks though, because  I have timeless good looks that don’t follow the norms of weight and quantity of hair on my head. I started at 226 and currently sit at 214. My goal is 185. I am sure to update this as I make progress. If I say nothing about it, then I’m probably getting fatter.

Dieting is shitty. I like food. I like food in large quantities. I like fatty, sugary, buttery food in large quantities. Now I get to eat just enough of semi good tasting food to keep me from feeling starved, and just little enough that my body begins to eat itself, l am willingly participating in self cannibalism. I live in the richest nation in the world. We are so fat and so rich that we have completely shunned nutritious foods and rely solely on a steady diet of highly processed poison that is clogging our arteries and widening our chairs. Here I am attempting to reverse YEARS of behavioral reinforcement, advertising, and convenience by eating 3 shrimp, a few peas, and some bland spaghetti because it will help me lose weight.

It seems like it will inevitably be a losing battle. I am destined to one day be ginormous, hopefully that day is far into the future, but the brownies, candy bars, and cheese burgers are here in the present. Not only are they in the present they are on every corner at a fast food restaurant and gas station, in line at the check out, and on every desk of every receptionist in America. I am not just dieting I am taking on an entire industry and its billions of dollars of advertising and psychological profiling. Basically I am a super bad ass rebel. A super bad ass rebel that is forced to fight the oppressive grasp of high fructose corn syrup and trans fats with steamed broccoli and lean cuts of meat. Will I win? At the end there is a poll to find out what you think.

  1. kevinbell22 says:

    People think chewing my fingernails is a bad habit, but it’s actually me trying to gnaw my arm off when I get hungry. Luckily, I always find food before I get too far.

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